Your prerogative to express anger is stolen, making you miserable.
The below things are not good for you: Being thirsty, hungry, altruist, energetic, empathetic,etc. Basically all the good emotions that come in from A to Z are bad for you.
But Aman, These are naturally inherited impulsive messages my body sends to my brain that say “something isn’t right” in the body, that it needs food and water! How can it be bad to feel love and affection or thirst and hunger? They are all good and natural right?
No. They are not good. Nor bad. They are just emotions. You were told that they were good. Now see with this perspective towards anger and hate. You’d say, it’s not good to get angry! Are you serious? Nobody chooses to be angry, it’s imprinted in our DNA. It’s the same natural impulse as the so called “good emotions” Stop classifying anger as “bad thing”. It’s not bad, you named it. In reality it is just another natural reaction your body makes to something that isn’t right to you.
You have the right to get frustrated, aggressive and angry because they are nor good, nor bad but just different emotions.
You have to express them without resistance as you express all the other falsely labeled positive emotions. Stop controlling your anger. Can you stop controlling happiness or excitement? No! They are emotions, they just need to be EXPRESSED RIGHTLY.
So, the question is how to express your anger in a right way instead of how to control your anger. Bottling up the anger or any other emotion, good or bad, is worse than expressing it as holding up emotions damages our psychology & physiology.
One key concept I want to share.. “emotions are expressed through body.” You cannot think and release your emotions. To release emotions, it should be either verbalised or acted out.
For example, you are angry. You can release anger only by either talking or acting. So, there is no point in counting from 10 to 1, because it won’t magically make your anger go invisible, rather it will have a reverse effect on your mind and body. The best strategy I’ve found to release anger is through aggressive body moments, heavy breathing, shouting and really shaking up my whole body in a way that it exerts the emotions, completely.
Emotion is energy in motion. So you cannot release anger (emotion) without physical motion.
If it is love you feel, it cannot be released by thinking/fantasising about it. It needs to be vernalized or acted. Emotions are verbs.
There is no point in holding back what you feel. That’s natural. Release it through your actions. Or else you’ll suffer.