IF YOU ARE A PARENT: Tell you children again and again, time after time, till they realise that they are worthy of love & affection and that they can freely express their authentic selves or feelings to the world. Tell them that they can trust people and accept their love. Tell them being vulnerable is the most important thing in life, it is what will give them happiness.
But why am I telling you this?
Because I have felt unworthy of love for the most of my teenage life, there are many reasons behind this and I don’t want to go into details of each one but I will surely tell you the after effects or what will happen to your children if you do not tell them that they are worthy of love and it is good to be vulnerable.
I am studying and exploring the ends of happiness spectrum, I have come up with many profound principles that are mandatory for you to practice if you want to be truly happy in life and being vulnerable is one of them.
If you or someone else keeps criticizing your children or anybody else on smallest possible things, over and over again, then one day that person or your child will develop a psychological muscle in it’s mind that makes them believe that “I am not worthy of love and I have no right to express my authentic feelings or opinions because whenever I do that my parents or people around me will critise me, put me to shame and hurt me. I don’t want to feel bad and so I will never open up again”
Now this is a little difficult to understand but believe me, I have been critised and taunted upon the dumbest things you can even imagine, I don’t know if it was intentional or not, if they were trying to harass me or not, if they thought it was good for me or not, I don’t have any idea about all the things that they were doing to me but it’s effect on my mind and my psychology made me suffer for years.
Scolding your child is okay, but at the same time it is very important that you set boundaries for yourself, sometimes parents (maybe unintentionally) scold, discriminate, compare, taunt and critise their children way too much than needed. It is also important to remind your children how much you love & care for them.
THE AFTER EFFECTS:
If you forget to remind your children the above things then soon they will put a shield around themselves, they won’t allow other people to see their true feelings, they won’t allow other people to connect with them on emotional level, they won’t allow other people to love them and themselves to love other people. In Short, they will become less vulnerable. Your children will become cold and stoic, they will fear to accept love, they will fear to express love and they will kill themselves everyday in their heart because people won’t understand them as they lack emotional intelligence.
I felt that I was unworthy of love and affection, I wasn’t allowed to express my true feelings, I wasn’t allowed to love someone else because I knew that I will be critised, scolded, taunted and put to shame if I ever talked my part. Soon, I built a shield around me, I never allowed people to get inside my head and my heart, I became stoic, cold and introverted, I feared to become vulnerable which made me feel miserable & unhappy.
There are many details and things I cannot share but what I will tell you is that..
Tell your children to express their true feelings, to show their emotional side, to be open to love and to be vulnerable or else it will become very difficult in future for them to socialize. It took me years to solve this problem, this is very hurting. Tell your children that you love them, tell them you care for them and they are capable of loving others and being loved.
If you don’t do this, they are sure to go in depression later in life and live a guarded life, a pathetic life. I know what it is like to live this kind of life and I dont want anybody else to live a life like this.
When you don’t express your true emotions, when you don’t open up, when you stay too introverted and reserved, people around you don’t feel like connecting to you. They see that you don’t allow nobody to chill with you, so they stop, they doubt if they can talk to you because you look too intimidating, they doubt if you will reciprocate their feelings, they doubt if you will be trustable and safe to be around and these assumptions of people are a 100℅ false, but who will tell them, right? when this happens you miss an opportunity of making some wonderful love connections with people in your life. This is poisonous for childrens specifically.
Vulnerability is powerful. It requires courage and strength. Tell you children everything I told you today, if you love them, tell them to be courageous enough to be vulnerable.
And lastly share it with more amazing parents like you, so that everyone can raise better children.
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